I have seen what I have seen, I have felt what I felt and...cried

My heart has been in Africa for many years. My toes have been dusty from the red dirt many times. My eyes have seen countless injustices. But today is first for me. Today I got word a sweet child was lost today.

AIDS is all over this place I call home but yet I have never felt the loss of a life to it until today. Friends of mine have a home for kids here and they lost a little girl. Their hearts are sad and I to find my heart sad because this is a little girl I knew. I hugged her, cooked her spaghetti, and kissed goodnight. Yes I knew her for a short time but I knew her and NEVER on the FCC Kenya team has a child we ministered to died while we were in country.

As I looked at the photos of her I cried...I could not help but cry. I was crying for her mom and dad left to tell other kids but I was also crying because this is the hard cold reality of AFRICA. There are countless of families, couples, and individuals that answer the call to come, love, work, and live in Africa. They see and face this day in and day out. It hurts so bad to think I am not the only one with a broken hart right now. People never forget "first" and I can say I will not forget this feeling. Also it is a feeling I know I will feel over and over........because I to have heard the call to Africa. I just pray that God gives me what I need each and every time I feel this way. Also I pray with all my heart that He is glorified through it all because it is not always pretty and fun but I know God is loving and full of grace. So I hold on to Him and His word because I have seen what I have seen, I have felt what I have felt, and I have cried.

Red Toes

So today was a day that God had planned! It was clear because I had mixed up the days the team and I would be going to MIA and the dump ministry......all because God had something for us to finish up with Kate and Johnny's girls. We had great morning finishing up the sewing project and then headed to town to get some supplies for tomorrow and have lunch. While we were in town we ran into Molly and Joe who just got a new girl at SOHK. This little one is one they were working on getting when we worked with them last week. She is ONLY 7 years old, has been living on the streets with her "mom" and has been sexually assaulted. As hard as it was to hear her story it was a joy to see her in Joe's arms after knowing how they prayed and worked on getting her into SOHK to be safe and loved! It was like reading the last few pages of the last chapter in a GREAT book.

Heading back to Kate and Johnny's after town we got some supplies to paint all the girls nails. Yes, it is a girly but they are girls. They are also some pretty amazing girls with a Future and a Hope because of Kate and Johnny. That short time we had painting toes may seem so small to many but...for girls who come from places that make your heart break....it means so much. It shows love to girls that early in life did not know what that was. So as I sat on the concrete and Sarah painted my toes, red, I looked around. Yes I was a home in Kenya but I saw more!

I saw a family that gave up so much to love girls that had nothing. I saw a family with white kids and black kids who are colorblind and call each other sister and brother. I saw a mom and a dad that love EACH of their kids biological or not. I saw kids growing in truth and love. I saw a family that places Christ in the center. I saw a kind of family the world could use more of! I saw all of this with red toes.

sweat, heat, a bus, and a lap full of three kids

This past three days we went out of Nakuru in to what our Masai calls the Bush Bush. No running water, out-house, and the REAL Africa. When I asked the Masai if he thought we could make it out there he said "I believe". If he did not think we could make it he would have told us.....so we left on a good note of feeling we can.

6 hours later dripping wet from sweat we arrive in East Pokot. Those 6 hours were something else. The first few hours were just a "normal" Kenyan bus ride but once we hit the half way point we were in for a rude awaking of what the bus is really like! More people got on then got off. Seats full, people standing in the ails, and kids sitting on Grace's and I's laps. All the windows were wide open but we all felt like we were going to suffocate. People talking, sweating, holding things, and trying not to fall as the matau was bouncing on the unpaved 46km ride to East Pokot.

I can grin and bare a lot but just before we got to our spot I thought I was not going to make it. There was sweat stinging in my eyes my feet swollen from the heat and sitting for so long and I thought it might be better if I get out and WALK the rest of the way. Thankful by God's funny timing the bus stopped and it was our STOP. We crawled over people, bags of corn and sugar, and even a chicken to get to the door. The only thing I felt was air at that moment. Outside was hot but not as hot as the matau. My feet hit the ground and I could feel the blood come back to each of my toes. All I wanted to do at that point was drink some water and do to bed...but God had other plans!

As we got our bags off the bus we were greeted by Nelly and all the girls from the rescue center we were going to working at. These girls came out of no where; but one by one they came greeted us and carried our bags. It is custom for them to carry the bags.....with a smiling face they picked up our many bags and walked us to the center. Slowly the pains of the matau ride were fading. Once we were at the house we had some tea and met with Pastor and his wife. We got to meet a few others as well while resting from the ride.......we met a few but felt all the eyes on us. So many little eyes were so excited to see us that in the dark you knew we were being watched.


After we ate and rested we walked a short way to girls rescue center.......short way lead by the sound of drumming and signing. All the rest of the pain, sweat, tiredness, and everything I was feeling was GONE as the girls called us to formally greet us! They sang and danced for us and soon we found ourselves dancing with them. We danced with the most sweetest girls who have gone through so much to get there they are today.

These girls (my eyes are filled with tears as I write) have been beaten, used, treated like animals, and almost sold off by their families. They have been through so much, some have walked for days eating ants to make it to Cana. Cana is the safe place for the girls. A place there they can grow, get an education, and NOT go through female genital mutilation! They are screaming for a chance to get an education and a chance to change what their lives could have been and for the girls to come.

I see hope in their eyes. There is a bright light that is ready to shine in the community of East Pokot. A light that can shine for the Lord to being about change in the area. Because of this light and the love of the team.....I know change will come, relationships will be mended, hearts born again, and the horror of FGM stopped!

Child Don't Fear

How was my day? Well it was unlike any other. I was greeted with the smell of dirt, blood, feeshies, sweat, and death. Now with this decription would this be a place you would take your sick family member let alone your child?

For so many this is the only option and they walk many miles to get to this place. And once they get their they have to front the cost of bed and any "medical" treatment they may need, sit two or three to a bed, feed themselves, change themselves, and beg for someone to come look at them. This is the setting where my heart was stolen. In the children's ward the second to last bed on the left there was a little one named Emmanuel. He was covered and alone. My friend Joe called me over and asked me to pray for this little one; he had been left and was ALL alone now.

As I placed my hand on his tinny head my heart was stolen. God touched me to give a word of declaration over him. The Lord said he would EVER be alone and would come out of this horrific situation and be loved. Not only be loved he would show love. My eyes were welling with tears and my voice was strained. This little love was facing deaths door steps and God used me to declare he would not. As I closed in prayer and asked for a covering over this child my heart was no longer stolen but broken.....my eyes fixed on his chart and it read "TB and Meningitis". This is a death sentence! All alone no one with him, no one to pay for the medical bills BEFORE treatment, and just another body in a bed to all around him.

There are no words...there have been no words from me after I left his side. My mind keeps going back to that awful place where he is.....where is his slowly dying ALONE! All that I can think of is the words to Shawn Mcdonald's song Child. Form this day forth I will never be the same and only the Lord knows why! I still do not know why but that is the beauty of God, we do not need to know because He does. He has it. He holds Emmanuel in His hands, He broke my heart and changed me for a reason, and I will leave it be until He tells me why. For those that read this and feel sadness welcome to the world of Africa for those that read this and feel nothing......I pray your heart is broken by God for our God knows why.
(the lyrics playing over and over in my head: Child don't fear....our God knows why. Child don't cry...our God knows why.)

Hang me up to dry...

As I sit n the dinning room looking at the fog roll into the backyard I see Kantet hanging his' families washing. Some he just places on the line and pins and others he needs to ring out before he hangs them. The water falls onto the grass but before it does my eyes see the murky unclear water falling from the clothing.

My eyes are seeing something that is so normal (for 80% of the world) and it does not surprise me. But the Lord is funny in the way He gives us images.....because as I am seeing this my computer is playing the soundtrack to call and response, track number 2 Hang Me Up to Dry. The words take on a new meaning as I watch Kantet. He rings out the clothing and lets the dripping dirty water fall out of them....how many times does God do that to us?!

He sees the unclean filthily water in us and His heart breaks. He rings us out to make us clean the dry, but often we protest it and are blind to our own dirty water. We want to just be hung on the line to let the sun's warmth come dry us (I have the image of a person on the beach sun bathing). We want the warmth of the sun and its comfort without making sure we can really benefit from it. Without being rung out the clothes would be on the line longer and lose their shape and not fit any more. Without God ringing us out that polluted water in us changes our makeup and how God has made us to work. So why would we not want to be rung and then hung to dry? God has then best of intentions for us when He rings us out, we just need to be willing to suffer thought the ringing so the blessing of the drying comes after.


So my challenge for you today (your night my day) is that you welcome the chance for the Lord to ring you clean of polluted murky water. He will then will allow you to be reshaped and dried in the sun. Just as the clothing smells so sweet being lined dried, so will you; the sweet fragrance of the Lord.

Morning of day 2...

Habadi ya asabudi (good morning),
We are getting ready for day 2! The team had a great night of rest yesterday.....the jet lag and the emotions of the first day add to the soundness of sleep. Today we are up by 5:40am (early even for the masia taking care of us).

I am sitting in the dinning room with a cup of chi and enjoying the sounds of the morning. The birds are signing and sweet dew of the morning fills the air. It is a great time to think of how blessed we are to be staying where we are. Really the Lord has blessed us!

Today the team will be working at ROHI (day 2 with them). They have orientation, more time with students, then in town for project supplies. For the next few days we will be working on projects with the families of 3 to 4 ROHI students. Some will be hands on, building a pin for a cow, and others will be helping with everyday needed tasks; like getting a drivers license. The next few days will key for the team to see and understand TRUE life for a Kenyan family. I am praying for the time they will be in the community and working hand in hands with our Kenyan friends. I already see change and growth.....God has just started and more fabulous things are to come.

Personally I am so happy! Happy to be home and with friends. I am also making new friends. God has really shown me the peace of this place, the place I will be calling home! There is no far....no question of what the call of my life is. Having conformation form the Lord as well as all the dear friends God has blessed me with here leaves me speechless!

Your prayers are are coveted for the team as they are working, blessing, and being blessed. Also keep the prays for health and safety coming! They are working! Asante sana and nakupanda! (thank you very much and love)

-Cass